Reality

"Reality is the state of things as they actually exist, rather than as they may appear or may be thought to be."

I believe I'm losing the ability to know what is reality in my mind. Ive got to the stage where i have made up every part of my life to make it better. Makes me think i should of pursued a career as an actress. The level of acting i can keep up now and pretty much 24/7 amazes me. In my mind i have almost completely erased the real life with my made up life. I mean i still have my real life, family and work, but i also have this other life that i live that isn't real which is intertwined with reality. So here is my problem of knowing what is real now and what isn't. it could be to do with the 'mental disorder' and how i have coped with it for the last possible 10 years of having it. With the family i got it was always best to hold your tongue and always hide your problems and emotions. To just deal with it. Which isn't easy when i have a problem of controlling my emotions. Making a whole other persona and life i guess made it easier to hide my problems with other people. Plus with commitment problems makes it easier for when people leave, because they never knew the real Kimberley Steward. Although saying that who is the real Kimberley Steward? Does she even exist any more? Has Kimble Fimble just completely squashed the reality of Kimberley Steward with this fake life, that i like to believe is reality. To be honest i don't want to go back to reality, this life i have created is great, because what i say goes. Maybe having no grip on reality makes it easy for me to be stronger and braver when it comes to telling people where to shove it, because in my mind, things will always turn out OK.